My dudes, I fell off the face of the Earth for a hot minute. But now I’m back. I’ll start by saying, screw the ending on 2021, but thank you for building my life résumé. Since my last entry in June, I have had quite the series of events happen; My grandpa passed away, I have gotten off of my anti-anxiety medication (turns out my brain wasn’t the issue), I got my heart cracked (it’s okay, I’m doing SO good), I turned 30 (I know, I look so young), I relocated for my job (big deal, I know), and most importantly have become a new woman (still and always progressing). Like move outta my way, I’m on a mission. Not to be cliché like the rest of the world, for 2022, but I have high hopes for this year.

When I think about the ending of last year, I don’t even know where to begin. Maybe I’ll talk briefly about me getting off my antianxiety medication? Yeah, umm.. I’ll start there. First thing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being medicated for a mental illness. I feel like you guys should know that about me by now.. after all we have been through. Haha! for real though, nothing is wrong with that. I felt as though I needed medication, so I got on one, simple as that. I was on Lexapro for about two months and stopped it, but I felt good. No more biting at my lips and shaking my foot or leg until it goes numb. I know, I know, to my nursing/doctor friends reading this, from a medical perspective it probably didn’t even reach it’s threshold in my body. I feel like it was OK though, because turns out it wasn’t my brain that was the issue. Once I realized that, it was weird because I just stopped worrying about things I normally would. It was all at once. I was starting to just not give a shit about anything. When I talk about the worry, I am talking mostly about in my last relationship. The things I was worrying about were constant and I felt my body give up caring and giving up trying. Was that the medication helping? Probably helped, but medications are just a tool, you put in the work. So I did. I put in the work to help myself. Which I think helped me a couple months down the road.

Hello September, my birthday month. I heard that turning 30 is a rough one for females. Although, It never bothered me! I think the thought of turning 31 bothers me more. Haha! I was just so excited to hit a milestone in life and celebrate with the one I loved. But… I didn’t get so lucky. Ha! And that’s definitely okay looking back. Anyway, I found out some news about the last guy I was with and got my heart cracked a little. Poor me, I know. For those who know me, I’m not much of a sap when it comes to these kinds of things. I just say it is what it is. Like I have said in a previous entry, “shit happens” and that’s just what it was. It was only a matter of time. I’m not here to throw shade on anyone, no matter what happened. On this note, I do want to apologize to you guys though. My audience, my support, my dudes. For leading you all to believe my relationship was better than it actually was. That’s not fair to you! I know I said it wasn’t perfect, but it was further off than it was presented. By far. Anyway, I know what to do differently and seek more and less of next time. I will say though, gaslighting is real. If you don’t know what gaslighting is, look it up. I still catch myself thinking it could have been better “if I would have…” things would have been better/worked out. No. It wouldn’t have. That’s why God closed that door for me, because He knew what was going on that I didn’t and knew it wasn’t for me! He also must have said, “Hey Callie, chill. I gotchu. Also, you don’t need those meds, I’m about to help you out in a different way.”

God works in mysterious ways. I have stated previously I am a nurse at a Youth Rehabilitation and Treatment Center (YRTC). I was at the Kearney facility, but I got offered a position at our Lincoln facility. I prayed on it a lot, as it all seemed to be moving rather quickly and I already had some life changes at that time. God paved the road for me on this journey. I definitely went in with the fear of the unknown. Like I have stated in previous entries, Fear of the Unknown is a self sabotaging trait of mine. But this was not self sabotage at all, it was simply normal. It is a good fear of the unknown this time. Something exciting! Although, I have only made one friend here, I don’t care. I don't care for the fact that; he seems to put any thought of having no friends at ease in my brain and he is solidly becoming my best friend. And honestly, I don’t need a lot of friends. The only one I need is God. Before I relocated to Lincoln, I told myself that my three main goals when I move to Lincoln were to; focus on my relationship with God, focus on work, and focus on myself. I told myself the rest would fall into place. And… It definitely has. 🥰

As things fall into place, I feel myself becoming who I need to be. Not who I am told to be. Not who I think I should be. Not who I am assuming I should be. I don’t care what others may think of me (to an extent). I am my priority now. I get to be as selfish as I want. Ha! Just kidding… kinda. But for real, my energy is different, my attitude is different, and my willingness to do better in all aspects of my life, has improved significantly.

Missing my friends back home, for sure, but this is all so good for me. Plus, they come and see me and I go back home occasionally. At first I felt like I always needed an excuse to go home, but I’m more recently finding my comfort at my new home, in Lincoln. My church, my job, my one friend and I’m so appreciative of these things. It’s nice to be reminded of the smaller things in life. Considering everything that has happened, I’ve been doing so good. That’s something my true friends know! ❤️

I love and trust in God’s plan. As always, thank you all for your support, patience, and kind words. Always feel free to ask questions. I especially want to thank the ones who have reached out in concerns of me not posting for a while. I love that you want to hear more of my experience and opinions on life events. If it’s good for you, it’s definitely good for me. From your, now, non-medicated basket case, until next time my dudes. ✌🏽